Time Goes by and so do I...

Some reflections on time as I approach another birthday later this month in May.

I have been making art seriously for 4 decades. That is pretty bananas.

So much of being an artist is behind the scenes. Undercover. Head down in sketchbooks, dreaming up new ideas, building them out in the dark. Then there's this moment — suspended in time, feeling like an eternity and a blip all at once — where you actually show the work. And most often it will go unseen. Thanks, algorithm. Back to the drawing board.

People always talk about their 50th birthday as a milestone. But nobody really talks about what happens once you settle into your early 50s and start to notice things. Like being more invisible. More overlooked in social settings. I don't condone this; I have simply experienced it firsthand, and it was odd and unpleasant. Zero stars. Do not recommend. People have looked right through me — not acknowledging me, saying hello to the person standing next to me instead. This started happening more frequently, frequently enough that I have to ask: Is this ageism? Is this that big invisible moment I've heard about, the one that happens especially to women? Maybe. What I do know is it gave me ideas — new artworks, maybe even a new fairy tale for adults. OH — side note — the other night I had a dream that I wrote a children's book (a spellbook for little kids). Maybe I should make that real. Hmmm. 😄

But the noticing goes deeper than that. Stages and chapters of life start to feel further away, and there's a bit of sadness there — alongside real gratitude, because getting to experience this stage at all is not a given. A lot of people don't make it this far.

And then there's this thought that genuinely sobered me: I have already lived the bulk of my life compared to what I have left. I don't see myself making it to 100, so the math is pretty clear — more than half of it is already behind me. Is that too heavy a thought to sit with? I think about it anyway. And honestly? It helps. It helps me figure out what actually matters, and what I can release and let go of. Well, Happy Beltane and Full Flower Moon!